Some more thoughts

Despite expressing my concerns recently about the lack of things wife led, and Jane’s apparent reluctance to fully accept that our relationship is much better for her taking full control, things between Jane and I have never been better. Even with my steady flow of texts and emails extolling the virtues of tease and denial, I do not appear to have done much to annoy or anger Jane. For the moment, Jane is practicing a strategy of ignoring them, but I am hoping that I have done enough to plant the seed of thought in her mind. When I first decided that I wanted to be in a wife led marriage, I never had any idea that it would be so difficult to persuade Jane. But then again I didn’t really think about how Jane would react, I just assumed that she would like taking control, like all the attention, and enjoy having me do, as she wanted. But then that's half the problem, it's not what she wanted but what I want.

All this inactivity has led me, once again, to rethink what makes a good wife led marriage, what are realistic expectations, and am I just expecting too much, looking for something that is just unattainable. Despite my reservations about Jane’s desire to truly want this, and my almost obsessive desire to have my orgasm’s controlled and rationed by Jane, I suspect that we are much closer to having the perfect wife led marriage than I think. It is very easy to get to hung up on sexual based fantasies, and read too much into what is possible when you read some of the letters on aroundherfinger and Elise Sutton’s web site.

Most seem to concentrate on the problems of husbands trying to communicate and establishing a WLM but when they gave them “the book” (yours for a very reasonable $19.99, available at all good book shops etc), or wives telling us all how wonderful things have been since they discovered their husbands wanted a WLM (did you know that you can get a very reasonably priced book at all good book shops). Not so much about the majority of relationships that I suspect have far more trouble, and what for many in my situation, must be considered as a half way house, somewhere between total rejection, and the wife fully embracing and encouraging her husbands submission.

If you believe what is written, many of the more successful relationships seem to have an element of orgasm management. I am guessing that’s because the wives who embrace this lifestyle think that the primary objective and ultimate reward for their husband is to get an orgasm, or their submission is sexually motivated. By denying him this pleasure, and keeping him aroused and gently teased on a daily basis, ensures that he will remain focussed and attentive to her needs, allowing her the power grant him this privilege every now and again to keep him motivated. Obviously there are those wives out there that do not seem to have a problem with this, either because the like the effect and change in their husband’s attitude and behaviour so much, or that they just like wielding so much power over their husbands and they enjoy keeping him on the edge and denied, whilst getting exactly what they need sexually from him. In some cases, I suspect it maybe just that the wife, who may have suffered from a lazy inattentive and male chauvinistic husband in the past, now seizes the moment to get her own way, and maybe even punish him a bit.

But what about those husbands who have always been loving loyal, attentive, helping, in other words may have already been the “perfect” husband, why should their wives all of a sudden become more dominant, punish or humiliate them, and start to deny them orgasms. In fact it’s probably made even less justifiable in some wives minds when their husbands may have undertaken a lengthy campaign of stealth submission and been extra helpful, so do something that they would consider to be a punishment, when a reward actually seems more appropriate, and what better reward than an orgasm..

There are many more wives out there, however, that seem to find the whole concept of a wife led marriage difficult to accept, let alone would want to practice Orgasm management as a way of encouraging their husbands to act submissive, even if that means that they are more attentive and focussed on them. The reasons maybe varied, and complex, but the simple fact is that some wives just don’t want this.

For whatever reason Jane still remains reluctant to commit herself to a life where she openly acknowledges that she is controlling the relationship, and actively encourages my submission in everyday life. This sounds as though I would like to become Jane’s slave or something similar, which is not true. I recognise that apart from being very unrealistic, it is something that would require a fundamental and very serious change in the basis of our relationship. Having said that, it is probably actually one of the problems that many couples face in our situation, in that however you view the introduction of the concept of a wife led relationship, you are fundamentally asking your wife to change how she looks at you. This could well be something that Jane struggles with, not wishing to be in charge all the time, or seeing me as anything less than her equal. In fact, she said as much a few nights ago, when I asked her if she enjoyed being “in charge”, to which she replied, “not always”.

Rather than looking for things missing in our relationship, I have decided to be more grateful for what we have achieved and concentrate more on the positive aspects of what we have, rather than what we don’t.

I am beginning to wonder if part of my problem is that I have been too successful in the bedroom. What I mean is, is that Jane has now become so good at controlling and dominating me in the bedroom, that my anticipation and desire to feel dominated in everyday life has risen beyond realistic levels. The problem, if you can call it a problem, is that Jane’s dominance and the apparent pleasure she seems to be taking from having me submit myself to her in the bedroom, has reached such a level that I am so totally overwhelmed and excited by the whole experience. This leaves me craving the same or similar feelings in everyday life, and is so real at the time that I believe that Jane wants this as much as I do. When of course this doesn’t happen in everyday life, I am left confused and just craving any form of acknowledgement from Jane that what we shared together in the bedroom was real, and that Jane really accepts and would like her control to extend beyond the bedroom and into most aspects of our relationship.

Mulling over this dilemma, and reading a letter in this months’ aroundherfinger.com from a guy who also struggled convincing his wife that orgasm management and the whole wife led lifestyle was a way of feeling closer to his wife ( Oh and yes he did give her that book, surprise surprise), it struck me that maybe that’s the problem. Maybe Jane is reluctant to deny me my orgasms because she feels guilty about taking something away from me, something that she has always provided me with, and something that has always been what I have wanted. Maybe she needs to understand that by teasing me, arousing me, but then denying me that “ultimate” pleasure, she is in fact giving me something. Of course what that something is, will be very important to Jane, so it’s maybe not sufficient enough just to say that it’s something I like, or that I enjoying feeling that she is controlling me or in charge. What Jane needs to hear is that in that moment when she has taken me so very close to the edge, and I am so very much under her spell, that I too have never felt closer or more in love, or full of admiration, for this beautiful sexy, and yes powerful woman, that is driving me wild with desire. Not punishing me, or spanking me or humiliating me, but just by my sheer desire to please and submit myself to her as a woman and my wife. By Jane denying me my orgasm at that point, she is gifting to me a much longer period in which I can retain that feeling of closeness and desire, that has been built up to such an amazing level, that I am willing to submit to her in whatever way she chooses for me. A feeling that allows me to remain fully focussed on Jane and her needs, but at the same time giving me exactly what I need too.

Just not knowing

We have just come through one of those very difficult periods, where so many other life issues have distracted Jane, and left her slightly ambivalent about anything wife led. I have learned from experience to remain as consistent as possible during these times, and not to get too worried about the lack of things wife led. The underlying basis of our relationship still sees Jane very much in charge, if not really acknowledging it very much. I am still expected to do most of the household chores, fetch and carry things for Jane, but there is still an element missing, something that I just don’t feel from Jane, but something that I need to make this feel real. I think the thing that is missing is a sense that Jane actually wants this. It’s one thing being left to do things, even being asked to do things, but if you don’t sense that your wife really wants it, then it’s just not the same. I guess that’s why I am constantly seeking acknowledgement from Jane that she wants or enjoys having me at her back and call, or that she feels comfortable utilising her feminine charm to get things done the way that she wants them done. I am pretty sure that Jane has never read up anything about things wife led, or has never indicated to me that she enjoys being the dominant partner enough to want to take things any further or try out different things. I just keep coming back to the conclusion that Jane is just going along with it for my sake, somehow afraid to just say no. Part of me would rather that she just tell me and put a stop to it, but part of me doesn’t want to let go to something that I know could be so good. The questions is though good for who?

Mind Games

Over on Worshipping Your Wife, Mark Remond, has just written a very interesting entry entitled “Point of No Return, http://worshippingyourwife.blogspot.com/2009/06/point-of-no-return.html . In it, he looks at how several couples, in more long term developing female led relationships, have reached that point in time, a point of no return, where the balance tips, and the female partner accepts her position of power within the relationship.

In my own developing relationship with Jane, I have long hoped for what I called, in my own mind, a “from now on” moment. For me, it was always going to be one of those moments or situations when Jane would turn to me and say “From now on”, from now on you will do as I say, from now on I will control you, from now on you will remain my obedient and loyal servant dedicated to my pleasure, from now on you belong to me, from now on, you get the idea. Although it was always going to be a significant moment, it was what I hoped would follow that was going to be more significant. I was hoping that once Jane had made her “from now on” speech she was going to change the way that she viewed our relationship, and that her control, her attitude towards me, and what she expected of me was going to change significantly.

Although Jane has not actually used these words specifically, we have acted out any number of scenes in the bedroom that I have recounted on here, and that could be interpreted in much the same way. As time goes by, and the level of intensity of my submission grows, played out through these scenes, I genuinely feel that Jane is becoming more dominant and actually starting to believe she has this great power to influence and control me, using her feminine sexuality and charm to bring me to my knees and worship before her. Jane now accepts that I am more than willing to submit myself to her, and am highly aroused when she acknowledges and flaunts her ability to tease and control me. She is beginning, I think, to enjoy this part of our relationship in the bedroom, and quite likes the effect that she has on me. What is taking much longer, however, is for Jane to express this desire to control and acknowledge her power in everyday life. I sometimes feel that I am going around in circles a bit, and those of you who have followed my blog, will probably agree.

I was lying on the settee last night watching TV, when Jane got up to leave the room. As she did so, Jane walked over to me, and without saying a word, placed her foot on my hip to show me her toes. Jane had painted her toenails bright red, and want me to see them. Nothing was said, but the message was clear. Later that evening Jane had me kneeling beside the bed kissing and holding her feet, as she explained to me how she had painted her toes especially for me and what it was that I now did for her, breakfast in bed, cleaning her shoes, daily chores, her lacy knickers, red toes, and all whilst I was encouraged to masturbate kneeling beside the bed.

I am beginning to feel as though Jane likes to see me in this position, having satisfied her orally, and then submitting myself to this, her own form of mind manipulation, as she sets out my position beneath her and what it is about her that arouses and excites me. In this way, she is playing on my submissive thoughts and using them to reiterate her position of power.

I am still waiting and hoping for that real "from now on" moment. For now, I have experienced the "from now on" words, but have not really seen the impact that I had hoped for in everyday life. I am still feeling that all this is at my instigation, and that without my concerted, albeit subtle pressure, things wife led would just fall away. I am trying very hard just to let things develop slowly and naturally, but it's not always that easy when you are driven by a need to submit and have tasted the very real feeling of being in sub space in the bedroom. I guess I am expecting too much as usual. Denial, real tease and denial still remains a tantilisingly close reality, but something that Jane doesn't seem to want to explore, or discuss. During our last intimate wife led exchange, Jane whispered, "you haven't done three things recently", and listed them out, "not doing things properly means you will have to wait longer". It was said, however, in a very non-convincing way, and quitely, almost as if Jane was struggling with the whole concept, or didn't really want to be heard saying the words. I wondered whether Jane thinks that denial just means making me wait longer between intimate momoments. What of course I seek is to be aroused, taken to the very edgeand teased, having satisfied abd pleased Jane, and then being told that I must wait, seeing that confident, satisfied look on Jane's face that she was enjoying my attention and wanting to keep me on the edge for her satisfaction, as much as mine. Being taken to the edge and then almost forced to release, makes me feel that Jane is happier if we can "draw a line" after each exchange, and doesn't want to extend her dominant position beyond that time. As some people have said before, it maybe that Jane just enjoys seeing me orgasm, or feels better herself knowing that she has satisfied what used to be the usual end result of our sexual encounters. I know that I am probably just being selfish, but I do want to make sure that Jane appreciates how much I would like to be denied, and that by denying me she would be satisfying a deep desire and need in me to feel this level of control, but only if she wants it to, or at least wants to satisfy me in this way. But that's the problem, it shouldn't be about what I want, but what makes Jane happy.

I guess there are all sorts of different things that others must have reached a compromise over in their developing wife led relationship, can anyone give me some ideas of how to approach this issue, or how they have compromised over this or different issues.

In one further attempt to get this message across I sent Jane the following in an email.

“You’re a thing of great beauty, feminine and kind, there’s not one minute of the day that you’re not on my mind.

You know that I love you, a feeling so grand, it means so much more when I hold your hand.

Giving you pleasure and seeing your joy, just helps to make me your playful toy.

Teasing is so pleasing, it sensual and fun, it fills me with desire for whatever you require.

By taking me to the edge and holding me there, I am in a place that we can both share.

I want it to last longer, a feeling so strong, with you in control, together we belong.

I can’t say much more, I love you so much, you know I’d give anything for just your sweet touch.”

Who needs icing to finish off a cake....!!!!

Jane did not respond to my email, well not formally. It was clear as soon as Jane arrived home from work that she was in a good mood. Did she get my email? The events of last weekend, however, have left me more determined than ever to give Jane what she wants, and to ensure that I remain attentive loving and devoted to her pleasure. Most importantly, I must make her feel cherished and wooed whenever I can, without going overboard. I am sure that she understands how deeply my submissive feelings run, and to what extent I am prepared to submit to her. It seems pointless to keep on trying to impose what I want on Jane, so I have decided to take the advice that I have been getting recently, and just concentrate on giving Jane what she wants. How Jane decides to use the knowledge of my submissive mind will be up to her, but at least knowing that she is fully aware of the extent of her powers, is something to hold onto. If she chooses to explore and experiment more widely with this inside or outside of the bedroom, then great but if not, I know that I could not have done much more without risking damaging our long term relationship.

I have, therefore, sent Jane this final message, the one that I mentioned in my previous post. Upon reflection I changed one word, “submission” to “love”. I hope that was the right thing to do, as I just felt that Jane would rather see my submission as an expression of love rather than submission. Then again, if she thinks that my love is all about submission and nothing else, oh dear, well it’s too late now, the message has gone.

Here is the final message:

“My love for you, means being able to feel that my mind is being very gently, very persuasively stroked, stirring within me a burning desire for you and what you want, in such a way that I am begging to give you exactly what you want, leaving me pleased to find that what I want, is what you want, to be loved and desired above all else.”

So I’ll just have to wait and see how Jane responds in the future.

Here are just a few of the things that happened over the weekend that helped me recognise that Jane is willing to accpet my submission, but more on her terms, and that made me realise that I need to do more to encourge Jane’s dominance by giving her what she wants.

As I entered the bedroom, Jane was standing next to the bed looking angry. I noticed that Jane had rearranged the contents of the wash basket, with clothes laid neatly around the edge, and a shirt laid out flat on the bed. Immediately that I entererd the room, Jane began to scold me for not folding the damp washing correctly, “you know how I like the clothes folded, you know that I expect standrads to be maintained, you have left a shirt that doesn’t need ironing in the middle of the pile, my knickers are all creased and are still damp”. Jane was quite angry and extremely serious, I felt slightly humiliated, having been summoned before Jane and then standing there being told off like a naughty school boy. Slightly shocked,but at the same time pleaseantly surprised, it struck me that Jane really was taking charge and learning to express her displeasure when I had failed to perform this task to her standard. Could this be a changing point in our relationship? I apologised, not even bothering to defend my actions, content to let Jane see that she indeed had the upper hand,and that I would in future suceed to her demands.

Jane continued to get ready, leaving me to sort out the rest of the clothes and to make amends. After I had helped her choose what to wear for the day, Jane decided that we would go shopping. We spent several hours going round the shops, holding hands, being affectionate, I carried Jane’s bags and showed interest in all the things that she wanted to look at. At one point Jane was trying on a pair of red patent cork wedge shoes, her delicate toes peeping out, teasing me as she showed them off to me. I wanted her to buy them, I offered to get them for her, but she declined. This wasn’t just a shopping trip, however, it was somehow different. We were enjoying each others company, Jane revelling in my attention, affection and genuine interest in what she wanted to look at, and I enjoyed giving her what she wanted. Whether Jane could feel the power exchange or not, I could and could sense that just by being there doing what Jane wanted, was an expression of my submission on my part. Jane was doing what she wanted, and had me there attentive and behaving in a way that she now expected from me.

Later that evening, I was making the bed, having washed and ironed the bedding earlier in the day. As I did so, Jane playfully jumped onto the bed and kneeling, began to tease me, playing and stroking my nipples as she kissed and nibbled at my ears. Almost immeadiately, I began to slip into a sublime submissive hypnotic state that Jane clearly intended to cause by the look in her eyes and the way that she caressed and teased my nipples. Just as I was beginning to sink to my knees, responding to Jane’s touch, she pulled away and questioned, “what are you doing?” and then laughingly told me, “you still have jobs to do, finish making the bed”. Jane slipped off the bed, leaving me aroused and even keener to show my submission. It was clear that Jane enjoyed arousing me in this way, maybe a reward for our shopping trip, who knows.

Much later that evening, when the kids were in bed, Jane came and sat astride me, as I sat on the settee. It was clear that she intended to seduce me, and have me pleasure her. As we began to kiss passionately, my hands went naturally around her waist, but Jane shuddered as my cold hands came into contact with her skin. “Keep those cold hands off me until they are warmed up”, Jane said jokingly, but then taking my hands at the wrists held them up and away, so that I was holding them up, much like you see soldiers surrendering in the films. Left in this position, and unable to move or defend myself, Jane continued to arouse me and maybe just enjoying herself being in such a position of power, clearly demonstarted by my willingness to adopt and hold whatever postion she choose for me. For me at least, more than half the fun of turning Jane on, is seeing her reaction and knowing that she is excited or having an orgasm, I wonder if that works both ways?

Anyway, it wasn’t long before we had retired to the bedroom and we found ourselves both naked on the bed. Jane was eager for me to pleasure her orally, and so I found myself, once again kneeling by the bed, as she layed back and encouraged me to use my tongue to pleasure her. There is something so intensely submissive and erotic about pleasuring Jane in this way, placing my mouth and tongue close and deep inside her most feminine and highly erogenous zone. It wasn’t long before Jane was shivering, her body shuddering in the wake of the orgasm that was passing through her body. My job done, and Jane’s body rejecting any further contact from me whilst she recovered from the experience, I remained kneeling obediently beside the bed, waiting for Jane to recover herself.

When Jane was ready, she sat up crossing her leg, and making herself comfortable, perched on the side of the bed, looking down at me. Jane raised her foot and brought it up close to my face, allowing me the opportuinity to kiss and caress her delicate and soft pedicured feet and toes. Holding her foot gently in my hands, I was gifted the chance to plant kisses on each of Jane’s toes, trying desperately to take in and savour the position I was in, and what I was being asked to do. Brushing my lips across Jane’s toes, around and under her foot, I placed the ball of her foot against my face, pressing it firmly against my lips, her toes spreading out and blurring my vision, as I looked through them at her face. Even looking out through Jane’s toes, I could see her head tilting from side to side looking down at me and enjoying the experience, seeing me worshiping at her feet.

When Jane was happy that I had been given long enough kissing and caressing her feet, Jane lent forward and encouraged me to masturbate, as I knelt before her. Clearly Jane was not going to deny me, something that after the days wife led events and shopping trip, would truly have been the icing on the cake, but alas it was not to be. If Jane wants to see me release in this way, if she is happier seeing the results and the affect she has on me, who am I to deny her the pleasure, and so I began to masturbate slowly at first, but building in intensity, as Jane went to work on my by now overly sensitive and responsive nipples. Leaning forward slightly, and whispering in my ear, Jane began, “Did you like carrying my bags today, did you like taking me shopping. Did you like seeing me trying on those red shoes, my toes peeping out?” And so I was sent deeper and deeper under her spell, Jane reminding me and teasing me with the thoughts of what we had done together during the day. Jane continued” and what jobs did you do for me the other day?”. I was forced to recall and remind her, “I washed the windows, cleaned and dusted the dining room, I cleaned your shoes”. Satisfied that I had completed those tasks, Jane went on, “I am in charge, you must obey meeeee, do just what I saaaay, me wearing my white lacey knickers, cleaning my shoes, being obedient, you belong to me and I am to be OBEYED at all times”.

Finally I could take no more and orgasmed long and hard, catching the fall out in my hands, breathless, my nipples now almost impossible to bear Jane’s continued attention, which she kept up much longer after my orgasm, than she normally did. As such, I eventually had to pull away slightly to avoid her attention, but she still insisted on continuing playing with them, following my movement and kept playing with them. But then, when I thought I could take no more, Jane stopped and helped me to my feet.

I am not sure how significant it is, but we very rarely make love these days, both preferring to satisfy ourselves much in the way that I have described above. There is a danger that Jane is more content looking after my needs, which are clearly more satisfied in this way than making love, I just need to be sure that I am still giving Jane what she wants and needs, and not being too selfish.

The right way

As a result of Lady Julia’s kind comment to my last post, I began to read some of her own blog. One entry in particular touched a nerve, http://ladyjulia.net/myblog/relationships/881-woo-me/. In it, Lady Julia talks about the need for men to woo their wives, reflecting on just how important it is, even if it is difficult when you are overwhelmed by submissive feelings. As she says even Dominant women want to be wooed. Reading this entry has made me think again about my own relationship with Jane, and just how important that this is to Jane. Rex also makes a similar point in his comment. So many times in my submissive state, I have just knelt there, or lay there expecting Jane to domme me, to take control and give me what I want. The same is true in everyday life situations when I have just expected Jane to want to act dominant, or to take charge without considering what I am giving her back. Just because I am providing her with a certain “service”, domestic chores, obedience, attention etc, am I giving her what “she” really wants, or am I just taking what I want from our relationship.

This is what I mean, when I say that submissive men can be “selfish”, it’s not that they don’t do a lot of things for their wives, or that they don’t give up a lot of things, or aren’t attentive, so outwardly they may not appear selfish, but are they really giving their wives what they want and need. It’s not always easy to woo or make your wife feel loved and chersihed when your mind is deep in submissive thought, often seeking that feeling of dominantion from your wife, when more often than not you should be letting her see how much that you love and “worship” her.

Having also read Lady Julia’s profile, I was struck by just how brilliant and relevant her statement “about me” was, describing as it does how she feels about being a domme. Equally, this statement could also be used to describe how I feelt about Jane taking control and what it means to me. Anything that helps communicate your true feelings and explains to your wife just how you are feeling has got tp help, expecially when they are put in a way that makes her feel special about what feelings she arouses in you.

Here is my version of Lady Julia’s statement, adapted to reflect how I feel about my submission to Jane and how she makes me feel about her ability to control and influence me.

“My submission to you, means being able to feel that my mind is being very gently, very persuasively stroked, stirring within me a burning desire for you and what you want, in such a way that I am begging to give you exactly what you want, leaving me pleased to find that what I want, is what you want, to be loved and desired above all else.”

With Lady Julia’s permission, please, I would like to share these words with Jane, so she may at least understand what my submission and her acceptance of it means to me.

A pivatol time

Things have returned to some sort of normality, after recent events. Jane eventually seemed to come out of her lethargic state, and seems much like her old self again.

This most recent apparent change of heart on Jane’s part has once again forced me to reappraise how much our relationship has come, and just how much Jane really wants me to submit to her. I am sure there are those that would say that my attempts to openly communicate with Jane have been poor, but this is a two-way thing, and as much as I have tried to communicate how and why I feel about my submission, Jane has been just as guilty as me, trying to avoid the subject. This has led me to the conclusion that she is not really into being in a wife led relationship, and only indulges my fantasies on occasion, out of a sense of love, duty and loyalty.

As I knelt naked before Jane the other night, mindful of recent events, I looked up into her eyes and said to her, “I have missed you”, her reply was, “well you HAVE me tonight”. She didn’t say it in a nasty way, but I sensed that she thought I meant the “dominant Jane”, and that she was reminding me that at least she was “tonight”. This further leads me to think that I am fooling myself to think that Jane wants anything more than a Vanilla relationship, with only occasional wife led interludes.

Please don’t think that I am criticising Jane, for as we have discussed many time before, male submission is fundamentally a selfish act on behalf of the man, who seeks sexual excitement and gratification from feeling controlled, dominated and subservient to his wife, and other women. I am certainly no different, and will freely admit that I have tried everything I can think of to seduce Jane’s dominant nature, and encouraged her to into a lifestyle where she has complete and utter control over our relationship. From the very start almost two years ago now, Jane has made it clear, to me at least, that whilst she is certainly sympathetic, and prepared to indulge my fantasy every now and again, she is not willing to fully embraceor explore this lifestyle, certainly not to the extent to which I had hoped she would.

Unfortunately, Jane is far too nicer person to see herself as anything less than a good loving wife, who respects her husband, and much prefers her man to be the more stereotypical, sport loving, more macho man, who loves and respects her for what she is. In that respect, I think that I must have let Jane down in many ways, although I did quickly recognise the fact that she would not welcome a sissy type submissive. To that end, I have adapted my approach, and tried desperately to concentrate more on being the attentive loving and devoted husband that she wants, but at the same time leaving her in no doubt that she was in charge, and how deeply I was influenced by her feminine and womanly charm.

There is no doubt that this has had some profound effect upon her character, and that today she is a far more confident woman, who sees herself in a much different light than she did two years ago. Jane is now much stronger, seeing herself in a much more dominant role in our relationship. We have gone through many different stages in this transitional process, from treating it much like a game, to where we are today. Jane knows how serious I am, she recognises that she does indeed have a great deal of power and control in our relationship, but still she finds it difficult to accept, and acknowledge on a regular basis.

I am not sure what else I can do, other than to accept that things may not radically change, and just remain attentive and devoted as much as I can, hoping that Jane will overtime become more dominant and willing to use her sexuality and my submissive nature to further her position of control.

On this basis, I am not sure how much more I can find things of interest to write about, so will only update my blog maybe once a month or so, or if anything else significant happens.

The following is the contents of a message that I have sent Jane, in a final attempt to explain to her how I feel about tease and denial, and hope that in some way she has misunderstood what it represents for me. I don’t expect her to reply, but will know at least that if she insists that I release next time when I kneel before, that she has made her position clear on this matter, once and for all.

Hi

I just wanted you to know, but can never seem to find the right way of expressing myself, how much I enjoy having you tease me but keep me waiting by denying me, frustrating me, but leaving me even keener to please you and experiencing that wonderful sense of female power and influence that you have over me.

It’s something that I would like to experience more, but you seem reluctant to want to do. I would like you to experience and enjoy the effect that you have over me, knowing what it means to me and that I am happiest when submitting myself to you, for your pleasure. I know that you may not understand why I feel like this, but I do so love you and want you to enjoy and accept the fact that I am totally lost to your love, and overwhelmed by your very femininity and beauty, using this knowledge and expressing your desire to have me under your spell just excites me and allows me to feel so much closer to you.

But you also need to feel comfortable with this though, so if you are not, then I am pleased to do whatever you want, I just need to know how you feel. Please don’t be angry, I just didn’t want you to misunderstand the way I feel about you, or how much you excite me.

I am sure that I have let tease and denial become a far greater thing in our relationship than I should, and as many have pointed out before it maybe that Jane just likes to see me satisfied. But in the same that I see it as the final acceptance by Jane that she truly accepts and is willing to demonstrate her control over me using this method, she probably wants to resist because it would be like the final acceptance that she reluctant to give.

I am sure that this is not the end of my story, but I would just like to thank all those who have taken the time to comment, share their thoughts, ideas and experiences with me, to encourage, to criticise, and just let me know that someone is reading this. And to those of you who don’t comment, well you should, it makes writing a blog like this much more fulfilling and interesting to know that others are interested and have a view.

What's happened?

I don’t think that I am alone at the moment struggling, but things have changed since Jane returned from her trip, and not for the better. Everything was great for the first few days, we were enjoying each others company and then all of a sudden Jane became distant, almost cold, and certainly not remotely interested in anything wife led. If it were just that, then I probably wouldn’t have minded so much, but Jane seems to be some how distant, showing no real affection, and rejecting any from me. I am trying desperately not to react myself, and to remain calm.

There is a probable cause, Jane’s period, which I know can affect her quite badly, but this time it seems different. On occasions, Jane has been banging on about one of her male colleagues, recently married, and who is now complaining about having to do all the ironing, and various other domestic and household chores. Now if Jane were really into being wife led, surely her reaction would be to say that his new wife had the right idea, had him well trained already and been more accepting of the man submitting to his wife in that way. But no, Jane keeps making comments suggesting that she thinks it’s wrong, almost despising the new wife for treating him in that way. I want to scream at her and say, “maybe she could give you a few lessons”, or “I wish you would be more like her”, or “lucky guy”, but I don’t.

I want to tell Jane that I am unhappy, I miss our affection, our contact, and I miss feeling as though she wants to be in charge. The problem is that I still worry that she doesn’t, want to be in charge that is, and that by opening up the subject I will hear something that I don’t want to. I am sure there are those that would say, communicate, just talk, get it out in the open, your better off knowing, and if Jane’s not happy then it’s better to know than to let the relationship go bad over time. On the other hand we have come so far, experienced so much, and I believe are or were very close to being in a fully accepting and mutually satisfying wife led relationship. Maybe Jane feels this to but is having last minute doubts, or maybe she is just fed up with being in charge. Maybe I should be more worried about what Jane is feeling, and not so concerned about may own feelings.

We have experienced similar times before, but they have never have gone on for so long, nor did I lose the sense of being wife led so much. I even find myself talking back to Jane, something that I rarely do, telling her at one point yesterday, Don’t be so rude”, after she had had a go at me for something really silly. There is something not quite right, she is not herself, not happy, but she won’t say why. At night we go to sleep, without really kissing or hardly saying good night. I know that I should be making more of an effort, but every time I have gone to show her affection, kiss her or even just cuddle her, she has spurned my affection. So when it comes to the evening in bed, I’m thinking why should I bother, if she can’t. A bit pathetic really. Anyway, I know that I will make the first move eventually, and just hope that Jane is not rejecting all things wife led. I have on occasions just want to say when asked if I was making tea, “well you know where the kettle is, make it your bloody self, and if you don’t want my attention, my affection, to have an obedient, willing husband, prepared to submit himself to your control and dedicate himself to your pleasure, just say so and put him out of his misery”.

There got it off my chest. I am trying to be supportive, and not get all huffy, but it’s really difficult. How difficult can this be? I have never really understood why women seem to reject a situation that places them as the focus of their husband's loving and devoted attention, places them in a postion of power and control of their relationship, especially when they must see what effect that their femininity, and womanly charms does to their man. I am sure that's all they wanted at one time, maybe it's just natures way, before they have conceived and had children, but after not so important. Of course, I appreciate that it's different, different from evrything that they have been brought up with, experienced in the past, but it can't be that bad, can it. I would love to know that I could arouse and turn on Jane by just a look, a comment, a flash of leg, a stroke of my hand, a twist of my ankle, and then to have the ability to dictate just how, when and where she would pleasure me, knowing that by just allowing her to serve and attend to my needs, expecting a certain level of obedience and attentive behaviour, would be satisfying her needs without very little effort from me.

It's not quite that simple though, is it?